Shadow of a Tormented Soul
by Jedi-Saiyajin-Twi'lek
Summary: Ending for Lightside Male with romance to Bastila. Features different character's point of view for every chapter.
1. It's Over

A/N: I was so inspired by the adorable cute Revan/Bastila romance; I just had to write something!

**CHAPTER 1**

"There you are! What happened?" Carth took a step towards Revan as he stopped on the metal walkway.

Revan hesitated for a moment, and a disappointed look took his features. "Malak's...dead. It's over."

"That's wonderful news!" Bastila exclaimed. "Well, we can't celebrate just yet. My Battle meditation allowed the Republic fleet to get past the Sith defense. They are in bombardment range!"

"And that means if we don't get out of here, we'll join Malak while he fries in the explosion," Carth joked, gesturing towards the _Ebon Hawk._ The three ran to the ship. Carth and Bastila rushed to the bridge and started the ship, and Revan fell onto a couch.

Juhani looked over at the 25-year-old man in the off-white robes sitting on the makeshift 'couch'.

"Congratulations...Revan," She commented softly.

"Congratulations for murdering the only friend I ever had up until I was twenty," Revan sullenly said. "Congratulations for failing to see what he could do to Bastila."

"It was not your fault," Juhani assured him. "You did not know."

"Well, I didn't know that the Star Forge would corrupt me, right?" Revan snapped. "I should have known what he was capable of, how Bastila really was in danger. I thought she'd pull through."

"I, too, was shocked when she told us that she had an alliance to the Dark Lord." She tried to sympathize with Revan, but he needed some time alone. "I will leave you alone if need be." With the quiet footfalls of a feline, she walked out of the room.

Revan turned and lay down on the couch, lost in thought as he started at the durasteel ceiling. These thoughts were interrupted when Mission sauntered in eating a muffin from the synthesizer.

"What's up, Jed?" She was the only one besides Carth that called him by his alias.

He sighed and took a deep breath. "I'm just...just confused."

"Yeah, I would be too." She said. "Look, I _know _you aren't Revan. I said it before; you're my friend no matter what."

Revan let a small smile touch his lips. "Thanks, Mission." The intercom went on and Admiral Dodonna's voice rang through the room.

"Carth, you made it!" She said with a relieved sigh.

"Well, we couldn't start the victory party without you," He replied cheerfully. Revan felt the ship make a slight turn, but the artificial gravity corrected itself.

"I'm sending an honor guard to escort you in. You'll be getting a hero's welcome when you come home!"

Revan groaned. "Now they want to reward me for it?"

"You saved the galaxy! Of course they want you to!"

"They want to give me a medal that represents all of those who died in the war. Isn't it a bit ironic that I killed them all?" He said sarcastically, but Mission could tell he was infuriated.

"Revan killed all of those people. Jed Khan saved the galaxy. There's a difference." Mission retorted.

"Attention _Ebon Hawk _crew: This is Carth Onasi—" The recording was punctuated by a slight chuckle. "Ah, why _bother_? Prepare for landing. Jed, I better not catch you gloating at the ceremony!"

This just made Revan feel worse.

"Don't worry. I won't be," He muttered to himself. Mission turned her head and some growling could be heard from the doorway. Looking back at Revan, she gave him a 'be right back' gesture and left the room.

Revan got up from the couch, walking out of the rotunda and heading to the bridge. Carth and Bastila were operating the landing controls, and the island could be seen below them. The temple was like a toy model below them as they swiftly descended.

As they drew nearer, Revan noticed a blob of orange and black, and some specks on the temple walkway before it disappeared from view behind a cliff. The _Ebon Hawk_ landed with grace and the engines turned off. Revan turned around and walked to the exits, meeting Canderous on the way.

"Hey, Canderous," Revan said casually as he walked past him and pressed the button for the ramp to lower.

"Hello, Revan," He replied, following the Male Jedi out of the ship. Bastila soon ran to catch up with him, and he threw her a glance and continued on.

"Are you okay?" she asked him, distress plain in her voice.

"It's just..." he began, "I need time to sort this out."

They went up a rather steep hill and once again saw the grand temple around a curve of rock. This time there was a swarm of Republic soldiers, Admiral Dodonna, and several Jedi including Master Vandar there.

As he walked up the stone ramp, the cheering in his ears was deafening. He felt the excitement from the Admiral wash over him in waves, and he also saw a glint of metal in her hand. As soon as she spoke, the Republic soldiers quieted.

"You have destroyed the Star Forge, saved the Republic, and broken the spirit of the Sith!" She announced. "For this, I shall present, you, Jed Khan, with a hero's cross: The Highest honor the Republic can bestow." Revan stood still as she pinned it to his robes. "From Coruscant to the farthest reaches of the outer rim, let you and your comrades be known as Saviors of the Galaxy!"

Master Vander stepped forth. "As Jedi, Defenders of the Galaxy and sworn protectors of the Republic," he waved his arms towards Revan. "We now have another tale to weave into the history of our eternal order," his voice lowered so that only Revan himself and those near him could hear, "The Redemption of Revan, the prodigal knight."

Vandar smiled. "...across the galaxy you will be known as saviors of the galaxy, the heroes of our age. But you must remain ever vigilant. Once again you may be called upon to defend against the tyranny of the darkside. For this is the destiny of the Jedi."

Several jets flew over Revan's head, but he did not look up to see them. _I don't deserve this. _Vandar himself gave him a deep bow, and Revan gave one back, reluctantly. The cheering resumed, louder than before. Revan walked in a haze to the bottom of the ramp where he met Admiral Dodonna, who extended her hand.

Revan shook her hand as she said, "I wish we could make a better awards ceremony, but I guess we have to wait until we get to Coruscant, eh?" he hadn't expected her to speak so casually.

"Thank...you," Revan mumbled in reply.

Vandar, who was now standing next to Admiral Dodonna, also spoke.

"We knew the dangers of you falling to the darkside; we are sorry we did not tell you of your true identity." Revan simply grunted and walked a few feet. Now Vandar was talking to Bastila. He did not hear the words. Dodonna reached inside her pocket and produced a small box and handed it to Carth.

When he opened it, Revan could not see the contents, but Carth's face lit up and he looked at Dodonna with shock. Revan then saw her salute to Carth, and he saluted back, closing the box.

Bastila walked up to Revan, even though he did not notice until she took his hand and squeezed it gently. "Hello," she whispered to him.

"I'm sorry about all of this. I just..." Bastila stumbled through her words, but Revan knew what she meant.

"I'm the one who should be sorry," he countered.

"We should get going," Carth said with slight urgency.

"I want to talk to the elders before we leave. Let them know," Revan said, looking South, towards their settlement.

They got there and several elders were standing outside their settlement. Their heads all turned to Revan and they began to move towards him as he stopped.

We saw the explosion. We cannot thank you enough...Revan, the councilor commented, clasping his hands together. Bastila stood calmly behind Revan, but she was smiling.

I thank _you _for giving me the opportunity to not repeat my mistake, he replied. Well, I must be going.

Thank you again, Revan. And may the...Force, was it? Yes. May the Force be with you.

Revan was slightly surprised they knew the Jedi saying, but maybe before he had feigned being a Jedi and said it to them. He turned towards Bastila and glanced her way before walking back down the hill towards the _Ebon Hawk_

Everyone was waiting outside of the ship and when Revan and Bastila appeared, they ran in.

"Why should they treat me so nicely?" Revan muttered and he entered the ship, pulling the ramp up after Bastila got inside. She did not hear him, walking towards the bridge.

Revan followed, taking a look out the window. The sun was touching the horizon and reflecting off the water, spreading sparkles of light all around. There were some storm clouds to the west, and the sun turned them blood red.

As he was looking at this, he noticed they were in the air.

"I asked Dodonna if we could visit Telos," Carth announced. "You don't mind that, do you guys?"

"No" came as a chorus from all those in the bridge (which included Revan, Bastila, Carth, Juhani and Jolee).

"Then..." he began, "Telos, _here we come_."


	2. Sip Sip Sip

A/N: Hopefully this won't turn too sappy, but hey, it is a romance; please send in ideas if you like.

CHAPTER 2: Carth's POV

It was evening in galactic standard time, and we were gathered in the _Ebon Hawk_'s rotunda. I opened a rusted compartment with a simple code Revan had told me, and inside I found a neat stash of the finest beverages. This included a bottle of Tarisian ale that shone with an amber color in the light.

"Hey, hey, hey...look what we have here!" Canderous said, gazing at the bottle. This caused everyone else's heads to turn towards me. Their eyes traveled quickly from my face to the labeled bottle in my arms. Bastila was the first to turn away, but surprisingly the old man Jolee kept his gaze on the ale.

"Quite a rare object you got there, kid. If I already didn't say that," he chuckled.

"We should get the recipe for that! We'll make lots of money, I bet," Mission gleefully added.

"Ten credits say that that'll be gone and we'll all be drunk before we bother," a voice came from the far end of the table. Canderous was smirking.

"Query: What is this 'drunk' you speak of, meatbag?" HK-47 chimed.

"After a few of those—" Canderous pointed towards the bottle of ale, "—I'm sure you'll get it, scrapmetal."

"Query: Do you wish for me to blast this meatbag who presently ridiculed me, master?"

"No one in our crew dies without my approval first," Revan mumbled from the corner.

"So...two days to Telos, six bottles of Tarisian ale. Let's get going," I joked, setting the glass bottle on the holoprojector that now served as a make-shift table. I turned and reached for ten mugs that Revan had stolen from Dreshdae's bar after decimating the entire academy. These also ended up on the table.

"Pass 'em down," Canderous encouraged. Mission passed every mug to someone else, but an extra one ended up on the table and she looked at Juhani and then Bastila and reached for it. No one made an objection.

"You aren't underage here, kid," I joked. She shot me a venomous glare and I knew then to stop. "I mean, young lady," I added as an afterthought, pouring myself a drink and passing the bottle to Jolee.

* * *

I was still sipping my third glass of ale. Canderous had almost enough to kill a Bantha; Mission had taken a sip and attempted not to spit it all over Bastila's robes, and to Bastila's dismay, the 'attempt not to' turned into a puddle on the floor.

Revan was asleep, slumped over the table with a sip still in his sixth mugfull; Jolee had drunk one generous mugfull and crept off to the medbay. Mission and Juhani had stumbled off to bed.

Zalbaar had come in once with a Wookiee's version of "good night", choosing not to participate in whatever activity we were doing.

The only ones left in the rotunda were myself, Bastila, Revan (though he was now using the table as his bed), and Canderous.

"All of the stuff that's happened in the last year is pretty crazy, huh?" I idly asked anyone who would listen.

"That's the way the Force works," Canderous commented. "Remember, 'I could witness Malak fall out of the sky and I wouldn't even blink an eyelash.'?"

"That would be highly unlikely," Bastila said, cutting into the joke's throat. "Considering that Malak—"

"—is dead," I completed.

"Go me," Revan mumbled, lifting his head up. A toothy grin appeared on his face for a moment, and he then fell back down onto the table.

"Wow, he's _drunk_," Bastila chuckled.

"I'm going to sleep," Canderous stated, getting up from his chair and taking the rest of his ale in one large sip. He set the glass and turned, leaving the room.

"Revan, you should go to bed, I don't want to find you here in the morning," Bastila said, getting up and turning the opposite way Canderous went, towards the women's crew quarters.

Revan sleepily lifted his head up, eyes half open and looked at me. "Hey," he said quickly, trying to get up. After a few attempts, he finally stood on shaky feet. "Bye."

He stumbled out of the room, and I was left to drink the remainder of the bottle, which wasn't much. I gulped it down and headed to bed.

* * *

I woke up the next morning feeling like I had been sleeping with a Bantha sitting on my head. I put my hand to my temple, rubbing my forehead. I looked around.

Canderous was in the bunk above me, Jolee was at my feet and Revan was at my head. We all seemed to occupy one spot in the quarters normally meant for ten.

Slowly sitting up, I got out of bed and jumped into my black pants and shirt. I didn't bother with my shoes, I didn't care anyway.

Bastila was sitting in the same seat she had been in last night, eating some mushy stuff that came from the synthesizer. She had on a pair of Jedi robes, and her hair was neat, as usual.

"Even though you were drunk last night you can still do your hair, huh?" I joked, alerting her to my presence, if she hadn't already sensed me.

"I was not drunk. I had one glass," she replied calmly.

"What's wrong?" I picked up on some disappointment there.

"Nothing," She answered quickly.

"Is it about...Revan?" I asked using the name she always called him.

"No. I...do not know what I will face when I reunite with my masters. What will they say?" she looked at me. Was she showing emotion? To me?

"The same way they act towards...well, that's different, I suppose." I didn't finish my sentence. "Don't worry about it."

"They may make me stay under their watch constantly...and they might send Revan off on a mission," she started.

"You don't want Revan to be separated from you?" I asked.

"The bond weakens with distance. I might not know if some horrible thing befalls him."

"You think he dragged Malak and that tinbucket through the unknown reaches of space without learning something about survival?"

"I...I do not wish to speak of this anymore." She got up, placing the dish into the cleaning compartment. She then sat on Juhani's bed, which was empty.

"Where's Juhani?" I looked around.

"She and Mission are most likely practicing their stealth," she said knowingly, looking towards a corner of the room. So, that's why she stopped the conversation.

"Ah, you caught us!" Mission said, her stealth field fading away just in time for Revan to walk in and sit in the chair near mine.

"Good morning," Bastila greeted Revan with a smile.

"Good afternoon, you mean?" he pointed at the chronometer above the doorway. It was about lunchtime Galactic Standard time. "Anyone hungry?"

No one in the room made any gesture except Mission, who sauntered over to the synthesizer and made a blueberry muffin.

"You really like muffins." Revan said blandly.

"You've only seen me when I get, like, muffins. I get...um, mashed vegetables in here too, and um...some fruit, too." Revan smirked, and Missions eyes darted around the room. "How long until Telos?"

"16 hours," Bastila responded. "Time enough to get over your headaches."


	3. Interlude: Bastila's Thoughts

_A/N: This chapter is a 'map'-ish layout of Bastila's emotions and thingies. I should have one of these once in a while... If you don't like this, tell me. I just had to think of a way to use up at least an hour of 'en route' time to Telos._

**Chapter 3**

**Bastila's POV**

I waltzed out of the room towards the crew quarters. I had been neglecting my meditations. It was even worse for me, considering my fall. It was slightly irritating that Carth insisted on stopping on Telos first, but after all that has happened...I must admit it is a welcome break.

Sitting down on top of a small blanket I had spread out this morning, I focused on the presences of the _Ebon Hawk _crew, expanding gradually to the presence of the Force itself.

I felt billions of lives, all varied, yet the same. Auras of different colors, temperament...some dark, some light. And I sensed new lives coming, and some joining the Force.

I could not help but feel myself drawn to the poisonous yet intoxicating feeling of death in the Force. I focus on the code, but I feel that it has wrongs in it...After my fall; I know that neither side is truly correct.

_There is no Emotion...There is peace._

Love can save you from the darkness, yet...it is an emotion. I hate to question the Jedi council so soon after my attempt at redemption. But I have indisputable proof. I have felt love...sometimes it is an overwhelming feeling, enough to draw strength from in times of need...in times of darkness.

_There is no ignorance...There is knowledge._

Surely, without ignorance there would be no such thing as knowledge. If every being were all-knowing, what would intelligence be? What would ignorance be? I cannot see the reason why the Code implies we must have no ignorance. It is like light without darkness, woman without man.

_There is no Passion...There is Serenity._

Passion is not only hate, anger, fear...it is also a stronger form of love. Serenity is key to focus, but you need passion when you feel weak, where you can draw from it to become strong again. It is like a reservoir kept in your soul to take from, but never empties.

_There is no Chaos...There is Harmony._

You cannot prevent chaos from coming to pass. When Taris was destroyed, there was chaos. It was caused by the darkside, yes. But could it have been stopped by parading in front of Malak and talking about harmony?

_There is no Death...There is the Force._

We die and join the Force. What of a non-Force sensitive? Do they join the Force, adding a miniscule whisper of energy into the being of the Force? Or does Fate just strike them with its invisible hand and take them to death, with no return?

Like Revan, I stand alone.

I open my eyes. Twenty minutes. It was not that long of a time. I remember the days when I could sit patiently for hours on end, simply meditating, hearing the voices of my masters reciting the code, and I piously believed every word of it. You cannot say the same now. I have changed. I sink back into my trance.

_Peace is a lie...There is only Passion._

Peace and Passion can come at the same time, strangely. Peace from the wave of serenity and compassion from Revan, and at the same time, burning desire and passion from his old identity.

_Through Passion, I gain strength._

This is true. Many times, I have gained strength from passion. Passion can fuel you, make you feel stronger. But sometimes, Passion is far too overwhelming and I am caught in the intense memories of my past. Anger. Hate. Fear.

_Through Strength, I gain Power._

Strength does not always lead to power. Malak may have been a large, strong brute, but Revan still came out the most powerful of the pair, in the end. Power comes from knowing that you earned it, that people respect you and that you have a right to oversee whatever you wield power over.

_Through Power, I gain victory._

Revan was the sly, sneaky one. He did not need power to rule. He knew how to manipulate, to twist people's minds to his will. He knew how to instill fear into the hearts of his enemies, to squeeze the life out of their bodies with a simple closing of his fist. He did not need power. He had prowess.

_Through Victory, My chains are broken._

Victory can set many more restrictions on you than it cuts off. Revan now is saddled with the wary and cautious eyes of the masters, constantly watching. He is also under the pressure of serving as a good example for every Jedi. The only freedom he has now is...knowing that the Sith threat is over. For now.

_The Force shall set me free..._

It is not the Force that sets you free; it is understanding the wisdom you must have to comprehend what freedom truly is. One may think that their masters place too many restrictions on them, that the darkside is the only way to be set free. But when you are with the Sith inside the womb of evil, you cannot trust anyone. No companionship or warm greeting when you walk by.

Emptiness.

Guilt.

Sorrow.

Pain.

Loss.

Surely these feelings are enough to drive someone down the path of darkness, like they dragged me...led the way for me to taste the taint I wished for. And now I know that the light is where I belong...every time I look into Revan's eyes.


End file.
